She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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