I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
