I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
