Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think my mom watched the whole time
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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