If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
