Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its liver damage thursday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
