Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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