do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
