he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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