So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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