I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
