you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
