i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
