I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize