How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
