Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
