I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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