It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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