I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
