YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
