yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
