If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
