Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
