Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
