cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
