dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
