Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
