I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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