If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
