I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.