I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.