shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
