Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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