Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
