dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
