Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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