Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
