saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
