My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We have so much sex to catch up on
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
