I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
