I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
