i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
