One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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