i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
