im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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