WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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