I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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