I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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