To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After tacos, we're chasing women.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
