On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Come on in and take your pants off
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