I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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