I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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