Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
