There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
